Female-named hurricanes kill more people…

…because women have unresolved rage issues. No, not really.

This is an actual story from a non-satire website that also operates an actual newspaper, so it might possibly be true.

Researchers at Arizona State and UIllinois, who will be sleeping on the sofa the rest of this month, report that female-named hurricanes kill twice as many as male-named storms. They looked at death rates from 1950-2012, and they actually excluded Katrina and Audrey, which would’ve made things worse for the ladies.

One researcher hypothesizes that ‘we make decisions about storms based on the gender of their name without even knowing it”. Which, if true, makes us idiots.

Could this possibly be true? Well, there’s also this:

From 1950 to 1978, at a time when forecasts weren’t as good, hurricanes only were assigned female names.  Male names were introduced in 1979 after which  forecasts dramatically improved.

“It could be that more people die in female-named hurricanes, simply because more people died in hurricanes on average before they started getting male names,” said Jeff Lazo at the National Center for Atmospheric Research.

I propose we immediately start naming hurricanes after the longest-tenured members of the U.S. Senate and House. After all, these folks LOVE having things named after them, and I for one, find them scary. Whatever their gender.

You’re welcome.




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