Sean Rima: Dumbasses In Cars.


My daughter’s stepdad, Michael, is a fire fighter and a first responder, and in his words, “driving is the most dangerous thing we do.”

I was reminded of this as I was making my way into the station today.

Think about it. Everyday, we strap ourselves into large, fast-moving, combustible machines with a thousand moving parts and fueled by explosive liquid. The very reason they are able to ‘go’ anywhere is because of a series of explosions. They roll on rubber tubes filled with air. They stop or slow down thanks to a metal clamp gripping a disc. We drive these machines on strips of concrete at speeds of up to 65-80 miles an hour, and the only thing that keeps us from slamming our fast-moving, combustible machines into one another is a bunch of lines painted on the concrete. Beyond that, the only other thing that keeps us from death and fire in our cars is a set of rules we all agree to follow.

One of those rules is that you must always signal which way you are going, whether you are making a turn or changing a lane. It’s pretty freaking simple. Not a lot to ask.

Today, on 410, I observed no less than three near-accidents because some douchebag didn’t feel the need to signal a lane change. The worst of these involved two douchebags ahead of me, one douche in a sedan and the other douche in a truck. Both douches decided to move into my lane without signaling. At the same time. Had they succeeded in smacking into each other, I would not be typing this. I’d be a freaking charred mess being pried from the jagged metal of my busted-up machine.

Seriously. Did I not get the memo? Is signaling now considered ‘uncool’? Is it culturalĀ appropriation? Is it racist?

I believe that as our technology evolves, our collective intelligence decreases. In this regard, I am now feeling better about the idea of driverless cars. You idiots are gonna need them.

After all, if it saves just one douchebag’s life…

Thanks for letting me share,

rev s



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