How In The World Has Halloween Lasted This Long?

Steve Atkins (left), Judge Steve Hilbig, Cathey Meyer, and Jack Riccardi

BY JACK RICCARDI

Just wondering…how in the world is Halloween still a thing?

In the brave new world of trigger words, cultural appropriation and safe spaces, this is literally the holiday from Hell.

Consider…

Halloween is children consuming high fructose corn syrup-laden candy, with no regard for possible nut content. What about the CHILDREN??!!

Costumes…depicting every single imaginable stereotype of history, lifestyle, ancestry, gender, etc. etc.

Took my daughter and her friends to one of those pop up Halloween stores:

Just this year, you can dress up as the “border wall”, as a “sexy hobo”, as an “Arab sheikh” or a “fat ballerina”. Really.

A sexy hobo?

What other night of the year can you count on “Donald Trump” and “Hillary Clinton” to ring your doorbell?

Halloween is full of trigger words, trigger moments, trigger movies, I mean, it’s the ABSENCE of safe spaces.

In fact, Halloween is supposed to scare you. It prides itself on frightened kids. Nightmares. No place is safe! Where are the protests???

And show me the money! It might be the most capitalist holiday we have.

How in the wide world of sports did it survive into 2017?

I mean, if Halloween was a statue, we’d have torn it down by now.

If it was a high school, we’d rename it…H.A.L.L.O.W.E.E.N.

Shouldn’t someone be setting it on fire right now?

How could the cultural warriors have missed this? A whole day, just sitting there on the calendar, brazenly showing off its inappropriateness?

You can’t miss it…it even falls on the exact same day every year.

You know, it’s not my favorite holiday, not by a long shot.

But someday, when it’s been banished as surely must happen, our grandkids won’t believe there ever was such a thing.

 

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