Debate Night 2: “Food Fight” at The Big Kids’ Table

Night #2 Democrats made the Night #1 group look like the Founding Fathers.

When we were previewing these debates, I brought up the “hockey game rule”: some people watch hockey for the fights. You watch a debate, sometimes, for the off-chance that someone actually falls down.

Which brings us to Joe Biden.

Memorable line tonight: “Anyway, my time’s up. I’m sorry”. 

Sounds like a campaign slogan at this point. It wasn’t just that he looked old and confused, which, when you’re standing next to Bernie Sanders, is quite a feat.

It wasn’t just the smarmy Eric Swalwell line about “pass the torch”. Fergawdsake, don’t anyone pass a torch to that egomaniac.

It wasn’t just that Kamala Harris, whatever you think about her, eviscerated him on busing (no other candidate has been around long enough to have had to take a  political position on busing, which was a mid-’70s political hot potato). Her “I was that girl” line will be remembered like Lloyd Bentsen’s “You’re no Jack Kennedy”.

No, the real catastrophe for the former Delaware senator and V.P. tonight was that he was brought low and looked awful amidst Democrats. He was among friends, handling him with care. Tonight you saw how badly he would fare against a merciless Donald Trump, who would just handle him.

By the end of the debate, when they were all answering the “what would be your first issue as president” question, a battered Biden replied, and I’m not making this up, “Defeat Donald Trump”. So his first priority, if he beats Trump, will be to…beat Trump?

Speaking of Swalwell and Kirsten Gillibrand, did they seem a little off their meds in the first 30 minutes? Bleating and blurting until Harris had to break out her lunch lady voice over what she correctly called a “food fight”.

Harris, by the way, lowered the bar historically for a platform when she said she just wants to help Americans “get to the end of the month”. She can paraphrase Reagan and proclaim “It’s the end of the month in America!”

As for Bernie, I’m a little hearing-impaired, but is he just shouting everything he says? If he was a text message, it would be all-caps and boldface.

Mayor Pete was his usual folksy-wonky self, except when he uncorked a fire-and-brimstone sermon about how the GOP has “forfeited the right to religious language”. He must be referring to the Republican calls for nine-month abortions, right?

The Colorado guys, Bennet and Hickenlooper, played the roles of Delaney and Ryan from the night before. “We have no shot because we seem kinda reasonable.”

The NBC moderators were meh again, with Chuck Todd spineless about rules. If he was your dad, you could stay up til 2 A.M. Jose Diaz-Balart referring to the “deportation of three million Americans”. Huh? If you’re being deported, Jose, you’re not American.

Anyway, my time’s up. I’m sorry.