Fight The Pumpkin Spice Dictatorship

All the proof you need that we have been invaded and held against our will in two words: “pumpkin spice”.

I swear, ten years ago, nothing was even “pumpkin flavored”, much less “spiced”. Don’t believe me? Next time you’re carving a pumpkin for Halloween, help yourself to a tablespoonful of that pulp…and tell me how much you enjoyed it.

“Pumpkin spice” is just some funky concoction of all the stuff on Paula Deen’s spice rack, swept into a dustpan and infused into every conceivable food, beverage and consumer product. You have to put “pumpkin spice” in quotes, because like the “Tooth Fairy” and “John Fetterman”, it’s not a real thing.

One of the greatest mass-hypnosis exercises we’ve ever seen is the whole “fall is here and it’s time for pumpkin spice____” thing.  Drink up, everybody!

As for me, I’ll take the smell of a burning pile of leaves, or a slow brisket, or hey, how about apple cider-flavored stuff. Cookies, doughnuts, flavored with apple cider are awesome.

Apple-cider itself is awesome, although they’re pricing it like it’s 93 octane these days.

But, hey, fall is here.

Or as we call it in south Texas, “Hotumn”.

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