Techno Claus, who looks suspiciously like “Sunday Morning” contributor David Pogue (but sounds like no one else), is reading from a Christmas storybook by a crackling fire.
“And what, to our wondering eyes should appear, But Techno Claus! Guru of gadgets and gear! We knew in a flash by his beard and his clothes … And as for that accent – well, who even knows?
“I’m happy to be here. I live to assist With gifting ideas for all on your list.”
He plucks Post-It notes off of his monitor as he speaks.
My desk at the Pole has become a collage Of Post-Its and brainstorms and other gar-bage. But now, for reminders I don’t want to miss, I uncap my marker and write ’em on this.
Erasing is clean, ’cause the surface is glassIn white or in black – or in marble, for class!
He’s pumping hard by a flat tire, outdoors:
This portable pump is exhausting in use And this one is worthless if you don’t have juice.
But this one’s electric and also compact It’s got a rechargeable battery, in fact. You dial up the pressure, then savor the show It stops when it’s finished, and then off you go!
JackonLux Rechargeable Emergency LED Bulbs ($18 for two)
This LED light bulb, if you can believe, Has a magical trick up its 60-watt sleeve. When the weather gets bad, and the power is gone, A battery backup brings this light bulb back on!
It charges all day when the power is fine So it’s always prepared for emergency shine.
KIZIK Handsfree Shoes ($100-$170)
My elves say they’re busy, there’s no time to kneel To put on their shoes, so they mash in the heels! And that’s why these Kizik shoes have, of all things, A heel reinforced by titanium springs!
You’re meant to step into ’em – Look ma, no hands!Your elves and your children are gonna be fans!
SnapPower GuideLights ($17)
With age comes perspective and wisdom, all right, But also the need to get up in the night.
A nightlight’s so bulky! It covers the plate But this light’s built into the cover! So great! Just turn off the circuit, install with a snap It guides you onwards on your long winter’s nap!
Your TV looks good when it’s on, I assume, But off, it’s a big ugly void in the room!
But this television is subtle and smart When not showing shows, it impersonates art! The painting, the matte, and the frame’s up to you There’s only one cable to shelter from view.
A sensor detects if there’s folks in the room, If not, it shuts off to save power: And, boom!
So that about does it for this techno guy. The reindeer are texting me, “We gotta fly!” I hope all the gifts that you give are a hit And now I must leave you all …
He eyes the fireplace warily
… If I can fit!
Story produced by Aria Shavelson.