Maybe Hannah Should Stay In For Halloween

It’s not my favorite holiday, Halloween. Christmas and Easter are much more meaningful. Thanksgiving slays on food and football.

Gotta say, though, the more these emotional walking-wounded types protest and bleat, the more…satisfying… H-day becomes for me.

Over on Buzzfeed, a buzzkill named Hannah issued her “thou shalt not” list for Halloween costumes, and from what I can see, Hannah should not be on your invite list for anything where you’re planning to have fun.

No Mike Pence—wow, that’s gonna throw a wrench into little Johnny’s plans! No COVID particles, but also no vaccines. What, too soon? Can I go as a vaccine side-effect?

She even thinks dressing as hand sanitizer would be triggering. Forget for the moment that these are all lame-o ideas—and realize that they instantly become better ones if you know someone like Hannah will be opening the door to you somewhere on your block.

By the way, I’m curious about the Venn diagram of people who want to ban lots of costumes, and people who think children should secretly pick out new pronouns and gender identities with Mr. McGroomy, their fourth-grade teacher. Seems like there’d be some overlap, no?

Back in the olden days, people opted out of Halloween by leaving off the porch light. Now, it’s important to unfurl proclamations.

Some of these people, like Hannah, are really missing their clipboards and “mask required” signs, aren’t they?