Oh, City Council, How We Have Missed You

You might never hear me say this again, but I can’t wait for San Antonio City Council–the 2024 edition.

When last we left them, they were partying so hard for the “winter holidays” that one got a DWI, one was too “sick” to drive (so the DWI one drove her), others at the cocktail klatch were like Sgt. Schultz (I saw NOTHING!)… and meanwhile, another one, whose face is suddenly unrecognizable, was trying not to go to the bathroom.

Mind you, we only have ten of these council members. Houston has, like, 17.

I have so many questions.

But D2 Councilman Jalen McKee-Rodriguez took to X to say the reason his face is looking like a balloon these days is not—repeat, NOT—because he’s had “work” done, and he wants to “put to rest any rumors”. At the rate his colleagues are going, no rumors have a chance of starting.

Besides, dude is 29. And looks younger.

What kind of “work” is being done to baby-faced 29-year-olds?

It feels more like you were hoping we—heck, someone, anyone—would notice. So here I am, Jalen, noticing.

Take it away, San Antonio Current:

“Really, I’m just sleeping more than I ever have.”

At least not sleeping behind the wheel.

“I am drinking a ton of water.” 

I refuse to make a joke here. It’s beneath me. But feel free.

Telling the Current that, as a math teacher, he’s used to being dehydrated (?), he also is “not wanting to take bathroom breaks”.

So, to sum it up (math reference intended): sleeping, drinking water and holding pee. “This is how I’m meant to look, naturally”,

I, for one, tip my headphones to this man and his rigorous self-care. I thought he looked great before, and I’m not sure the swollen version is an improvement, but he’s not my councilman, after all. Nor does he care what I think.

One tip for a great year: when you’re napping, drinking and not peeing, just don’t ever ride with your colleagues and you’ll feel like you’re 29 again.

More about: