President Badass.


“If the righteous many don’t confront the wicked few, then evil will triumph…”

President Donald Trump, a.k.a. The Trumpster.


My old man once told me, “never call out a man if you are not prepared to follow through with it.”

I am thinking about this as the president, my president, the guy I voted for, is currently laying down some serious badassery at the United Nations, which, for decades, has been little more than a cocktail club for world leaders, double-talking ambassadors, high-rent criminals, rich pedophiles, more prostitutes than Jesus could forgive in a year, a drunk lesbian or two, several dozen Clinton Foundation reps, and the legions of ass-kissing pukes who take down everybody’s drink orders and, occasionally, dictate international policy. And Trump called them all out. The whole freaking rabble.

It was beautiful to watch. You could almost hear the squeak of 192 puckered assholes clenching at once as Trump went for broke on everything from the shitty Iran deal to the potential greasing of North Korea if Kim don’t just shut his damn mouth. From Broadway to Burbank, it was hard to miss the collective shriek of a million Liberal Idiots, the logic centers of their tiny brains exploding like a scene out of a David Cronenberg movie every time Trump said something positive or badass about America. Indeed. With a single speech, I suspect the president managed to trigger every single Progressive Douchebag currently living on Planet Earth, especially with that really hateful and intolerant bit about defending “America’s interests above all else.” As for calling Kim Jong Dung a “rocket man,” one has to wonder how long it took Elton John to storm out of his weekly back-wax appointment to get his lawyer on the phone, or Theresa May, or The Queen. Or Lady Gaga. Or anyone who would listen. Maybe he called George Clooney, and asked for Amal?

For the rest of us, for reasonable Americans, President Trump’s UN speech was an inspiring change from the ass-kissing and appeasement of the previous administration, whose foreign policy consisted largely of dissing America and Americans while doing a reach-around for every bad actor on the global scene. Whether it was covering up a terrorist attack in Benghazi (wherein four Americans lost their lives) in order to preserve Barack Obama’s claiming rights to the Arab Spring, or filling the coffers of the Clinton Foundation via shady deals with international power brokers and rich sex freaks, Hillary Clinton’s State Department existed solely to benefit the same corrupt ‘establishment’ that every hipster moron in Austin claims to be fighting. Not to mention the former president’s idea of calling out the bad guys was to first reprimand the American people for being intolerant, release a few jihadists from Guantanamo, and then make the bad guys do pinky-promises not to make any more nuclear weapons while simultaneously offering them large amounts of cash shrink-wrapped on wooden pallets. As for drawing lines in the sand, Obama kept drawing them until he sauntered his skinny ass out of the Oval Office last January. And the bad guys were laughing at him, and us, the whole damn time.

And then Donald Trump enters the saloon, his spurs ringing against the heels of his boots as he lifts his jacket over the butt of his holstered six-shooter, and, all at once, the bad guys go silent and the piano player stops playing. As every pair of yellow eyes locks onto his orange scowl, the President of the United States hisses, with a Clint Eastwood sneer:

“North Korea’s reckless pursuit of nuclear weapons and ballistic missiles threatens the entire world with unthinkable loss of human life.

“It is an outrage that some nations would not only trade with such a regime, but would arm, supply, and financially support a country that imperils the world with nuclear conflict. No nation on earth has an interest in seeing this band of criminals arm itself with nuclear weapons and missiles.

“The United States has great strength and patience, but if it is forced to defend itself or its allies, we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea. Rocket Man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime. The United States is ready, willing and able, but hopefully this will not be necessary. That’s what the United Nations is all about; that’s what the United Nations is for. Let’s see how they do…”

Jesus. There really IS a new sheriff in town.

And you’re a daisy if you can, Kim Jong Dung. Or ISIS. Or any other bunch of varmints who plan on messin’ with the Red, White, and Blue. ‘Cause if you’re runnin’ down my country, Hoss, you’re walkin’ on the fightin’ side of me. And so, esteemed members of the United Nations and the Security Council, you tell all the curs the law is coming. You tell ’em I’m coming! And Hell’s coming with me, you hear? Hell’s coming with me!

Of course, if you are a tiny-brained Liberal Puke, you probably think all the stuff I just quoted is racist code for “I hate black people,” but, as you were in November, you would be comically, tragically, and historically wrong. It might be code, but it’s code for something folks in this country used to say with pride, no matter who they voted for:

“God Bless America.”

And God bless Donald Trump. He is turning out to be one badass of a president.

And that’s, you know…badass.

Jesus loves you and so do I,

rev s













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