Why Are We Pretending To Care About Comrade Kaepernick?

Honestly, my first thought when I heard that San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick wouldn’t stand for the National Anthem at a preseason game:

I had forgotten all about the guy. 

In case you’re not a fan of the foosball, Kaepernick’s 15 minutes of fame were about 45 minutes ago—for one or two seasons, a few years ago, he was the most exciting player in football, and sparked countless talk radio and sports-bar conversations about “quarterbacks of the future”—more mobile, more muscular, less standing around throwing passes and then toppling over like so many Saddam statues.

Like another, more local QB, no sooner did Kaepernick fire up everyone’s imagination than he came back to earth fast.

And like the other, shorter guy, one reason was that Colin didn’t hold up too well under the scrutiny of stardom.

Within a few hours of the sit-down heard ’round the world, we had already spent way too much time analyzing it.

Yep, it’s his right to sit. Given his play of late, it’s a familiar posture. And yes, people can be mad about it, and sports fandom is nothing if it’s not one big Hayekian marketplace of voting with your dollars.

Meaning: the more people want to burn the shirt, the more they’ll have to buy ’em!

As for Colin’s kaeper? I don’t have any interest, and I wish we’d stop losing our shit every time some has-been makes a grab for a little more attention.

What if an overpaid crybaby falls in the forest and no one notices?

Besides sitting down, is he helping solve anything? What’s his next move, not getting out of bed?

Needless to say, you can skip ahead to the ending on this story. When San Fran cuts or trades him because he’s not worth the $125M they’re paying him, he’ll have a ready-made social-justice excuse. Because, you know, Frisco is such a hotbed of white supremacist, reactionary politics and such.

All this little story did was save me having to ask before the season starts: “Is Kaepernick really still with the Niners?”




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