In a bizarre and somewhat icky political season, Senator Al Franken gave a press conference earlier today on allegations that he’s an ass-grabbing pig, wherein he somehow managed to apologize for the pain he’s caused women over the years, while simultaneously repeating his earlier claims that he doesn’t remember causing pain to women over the years, and, in fact, is still a champion for women’s rights and has been for years. No sh-t. It took about sixty seconds.
After ten days of deep “reflection,” this is the best Al could do.
Stepping from the shadows like Bela Lugosi if Bela Lugosi was a fat asshole, Franken once again claimed that he takes “a lot of pictures in Minnesota, thousands of pictures, maybe tens of thousands of pictures, so these are instances that I do not remember.” Wow. He is that stinking famous. Apparently, SO many people want a picture with him, he can’t remember who’s ass he grabbed or for what reason! Damn. That’s like Kevin Spacey Famous.
He did apologize, though, and then promised to be “much more sensitive” about his behavior around women, which, in Douche Code, means, “Sorry, I didn’t know all those dumb broads would get so upset over a famous guy like me grabbing their asses, but I’m ‘woke’ now.”
Of course, the frosting on the Creep Cake is when Franken also promised that “it will never happen again,” which is kind of like Jeffery Dahmer saying, “seriously, I am so done with killing and eating people!”
By the end of it, he sheepishly explained how the best way to make up for all the ass-grabbing was, in fact, to go back to work, being the great Champion for Women that he is. Now, wrap your noggin around that one. Going back to “work” for zipperheads like Franken is to return to the same chambers where a multi-million dollar slush fund is maintained–with taxpayers’ dollars–to pay off women who claim a senator or representative sexually harassed them. Sounds like a plan to me, Al.
Not to mention if you or I were discovered to be groping and harassing women, the one place we wouldn’t be returning to is “work”.
Suffice it to say we have allowed the golden halls of democracy to be populated by men you wouldn’t let your daughter ride the elevator with.
And that is a shame on us all.
Jesus loves you and so do I,