Source: YouTube

“Fat Bottomed Girls” by Queen has not made the cut for its newest “greatest hits” collection, even though it was a hit for the band in 1978 (and features a video shot in Texas).

OK, I think I can hazard a guess as to which lyrics someone would object to: besides the title, you have a guy who lost his virginity to his big-bodied nanny who make a “big man out of me”.  Aren’t there women who have worked hard to achieve a “fat bottom”? Sir Mix-a-Lot, please call your office.

But…in all these years, over all these radio and TV airings, concert performances, millions of albums sold…were we just horrible, terrible people for enjoying “Fat Bottomed Girls”? Meaning that whoever has cleaned up the Queen catalog for us is…a better person? No, and no.

Do you have ANY idea how many songs you and I have played, listened to, sang in the shower and put on mixtapes—songs whose lyrics, if taken literally, would be…well…not optimum.

“Every Breath You Take” by the Police.

“Grenade” by Bruno Mars.

“I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight” by Cutting Crew.

Not to mention lyrics that are absolute stark raving nonsense, from Beck and the Beatles, to Steely Dan and the Eagles. Are we sure we know what Bjork is talking about most of the time?

To ask a Costanza-type question: Were we wrong to enjoy these artists? 

Or, should we feel sorry for those who might be “protected” from ever hearing them?

Dear Lord, if there is such a thing as earthly reincarnation, please put me at the very back of the line, so I miss the next couple hundred years.

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