Craighton and Emily Berman are considering getting their 12-year-old son, Henry, a cellphone. He’s only allowed one hour of recreational screen time per day on the computer.
“My wife and I have been kind of struggling with it,” Craighton Berman said. “Because there’s a lot packed into that phone. We all know digital technology and social media kind of destroys us. So I’m just trying to figure out how to destroy him a little less.”
According to Common Sense Media, 42% of kids have a smartphone at 10 years old. By the time they’re 14, 91% have phones.
Catherine Pearlman, the author of “First Phone: A Child’s Guide to Digital Responsibility, Safety and Etiquette,” says parents should use a phone that allows them to limit features and add access to new features over time.
“It’s developing habit sooner,” she said. “But it’s also learning a little bit at a time, rather than getting your first phone at 13-14 [years old] fully loaded and then trying to learn everything all at once.”
Devorah Heitner, who runs workshops on kids and phones, and wrote “Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in their Digital World,” says parents need to ask themselves some questions.
“Is your kid impulsive? Are they going to blow up their life with a few angry texts?” Heitner said. “Is your kid able to be honest with you and accountable?”
In the months before giving a kid their first phone, Heitner says, discuss boundaries with your child and role play to teach them good phone manners.
“What would you do if you were on a group text and everyone was saying, ‘Let’s restart the group text without Mary?'” Heitner said of a possible scenario. “Because then you’ll have a sense of what their discernment is.”
Emily Berman said their son, Henry, is a “very responsible young man.”
“Given the extra responsibility of helping by walking his brother home from school, it just seemed — I didn’t really think about the age. It was just the right time,” she said of their decision to give him a phone.
Henry said he’s “a little bit excited and nervous.”